Online dating can be a great option for finding a romantic partner. It gives you access to a large pool of singles in your area that are also looking for love! However, with all of its benefits it can feel overwhelming, discouraging, and frustrating at times. With a culture of ghosting, bread crumbing, and flakiness the thought of logging into your dating account can make you roll your eyes. If you feel like online dating feels like a job, you feel agitated even looking at the app on your phone, or if you are having trouble remember who is who, it may be time to re-energize your online dating.
Here are some tips on how to do so:
Change Your Perspective:
If you are going into every date already dreading the date, you are not setting yourself up for success. I know in my own online dating journeys I often felt resentful or frustrated when I spent several hours with someone who it wasn’t a good match or would flake out later. My advice for you is to find a list of places and activities you’ve been wanting to try out in your town and use those as date spots! This way even if the date is not what you expected the experience is still satisfying. This can bring energy and excitement to your dating compared to going to the same local bar for every date.
With dating applications being so easily accessible you can fall into the trap of checking it every couple minutes. While it can be a good pass time while going to the bathroom, checking your app regularly can quickly lead to burn out. Choose a time to dedicate to online dating or monitor on your phone how often or how much time you are spending on them. If the person you are chatting with expects you to always be available that is probably already a red flag. You may need to adjust this boundary depending on your level of burn out or even your mood that day. Check in with yourself and monitor your urge to see your new matches.
Spend some time thinking about what you are hoping to get from online dating. If you are using it to find a long-term partner, make sure your actions align with this goal. It’s common to ignore red flags or go on dates with folks because we haven’t matched with someone in a while, but this leads to more dates and more disappointment. When sticking with your intentions, you may go on less dates, but you’ll also have fewer bad dates and decrease your chances of feeling exhausted by dating.
Take Breaks! If you are not going to invest time, don’t waste time:
The pressure of wanting to find a relationship can lead you to stay on dating apps longer than you should so you feel like you are at least trying. We may have felt burned out for some time but keep dating because we don’t want to be single. If we are dating just to keep dating, we are not going to invest the time and effort we should and can be missing out on great dating opportunities. When you feel the burnout hit take at least a week off and reassess. Don’t let FOMO ruin your opportunities for actual connection!
Dr. Brittany Woolford